Bubblers (Drinking Fountains)

I'm sure most of you reading this are thinking, "Seriously? Are you just picking random things now?" But hear me out, folks. I'm sure I can convince you just how amazing bubblers are. Before I do that, though, I need to clear something up.
Those of you from eastern Wisconsin will not bat an eye at the term "bubbler", having grown up with it your whole life. The rest of you seem to enjoy making fun of us for using a silly term. Well, guess what? YOU'RE WRONG!!! According to Wikipedia, Kohler invented a device in 1888 that put forth a fountain of drinking water, which they trademarked the "Bubbler". All other sources cite that the modern drinking fountain was invented in the early 1900's. Therefore, calling this device a bubbler is just as appropriate as calling your facial tissues "Kleenex" or your bandages "Band-Aids".
Now that that's out of the way, though, I want to talk about why these are great. To do this, I want to first have you close your eyes and imagine you live in... wait.... open your eyes back up. The whole "eyes-closed" thing doesn't work too well in a written blog... Nevertheless, imagine you live in a world without bubblers. You go to school, and when you get thirsty, what do you have to do? That's right, you have to go to the bathroom and fetch a cup of water from the sink. I know, it's horrible! How does the bubbler help? Let me outline it for you:

1. The water comes to you! First of all, you can position these bad boys in the hallways, outside, or anywhere! Secondly, and more literal, the water literally comes to you! bubblers are designed to project the water upwards (usually in an arc), which means you don't have to go as far to get your water! Additionally, this means...
2. You don't need a cup! Because the water is coming upward, you can merely put your mouth somewhere in the path of the water to get a drink. No more neck pain from trying to twist your head under a faucet!
3. Always cold water! True, this is not a feature of all bubblers, but most modern ones have their own cooling system. This ensures that you always get a refreshing sip of clean, drinking water.

All of these things lead to one thing: the perfect drink of water for that person on the go. It's the little things we take for granted, and it's the little things that are AWESOME! Chris Rodey likes bubblers, and so do I. That's why they're my Thing of the Week.

Next week: Two or tree tings: You kno', budgin' in line, drink beers and so...

Taco Bell

Scene: Interior station wagon. The drive to grandma's has not been a quiet one. The KIDS in the back seat can only watch so much Spongebob before they begin to rebel.

KID A (not the Radiohead album): Mommy! I'm hungry!

KID B: Me too!

MOM: I'm sorry, kids, but we're just a little too short on cash to feed you right now! (to DAD) What are we gonna do, Will?

Suddenly, a figure falls from the sky and crashes with a mighty crunch on the hood of the car. DAD slams on the brakes, forcing the car to spin out of control, finally coming to a rest on the side of the highway.

DAD: What the...

T-BELL MAN: Fear not, for I have come to your aid! I am T-Bell Man!!!

DAD: Well I hope you have good insurance, T-Bell Man!

T-BELL MAN: Ho ho! I haven't come to start an insurance claim, I've come to fill you up with delicious dishes that vaguely resemble things that may have once been considered Mexican cuisine!

MOM: That sounds great! (dejected) But we don't have enough money to buy such extravagant meals...

T-BELL MAN: Ah, but that's the beauty! My dishes cost next to nothing! Why, you can get yourselves painfully full without spending more than a few dollars each!

DAD: This sounds too good to be true... It must taste horrible.

T-BELL MAN: Actually, it's some of the best tasting fast-food around!

MOM: If it's that great, though, I bet the selection is poor.

T-BELL MAN: Our menu is actually so large, only one man in existence has eaten everything on it! We even have milk cartons!

KIDS (in unison): Oh boy!

DAD: Hang on a minute; there has to be a catch.

T-BELL MAN: Well... Our food does have a reputation of giving people certain... digestive... issues... But come on! Where else are you gonna find food this cheap?

KIDS: Come on, Dad, can we?

MOM: Will, the kids need to eat.

DAD: Oh, alright.

Cut to: montage of family buying and eating Taco Bell. Elation fills their faces as they devour burritos, enchiladas, tacos, gorditas, chalupas and cinnamon twists. When they've finished eating, they wave goodbye to T-BELL MAN as he flies away into the distance. The camera zooms out until the steaming, deformed car in the ditch is but a speck on the horizon.
END SCENE

Next week: The family fights over who gets to use the bathroom first at Grandma's

Sleep

First of all, I want to make a personal statement on lolcats: "They're always funny."
Second of all (and I'm getting quite near the end of my list, now) I'd like to talk about sleep. Unlike any of my other posts, I can guarantee that everyone has had experiences with sleep. We all do it, and (for the most part) we all love doing it. You can tell that we all enjoy it so much because what do people do when they don't get enough? That's right, they complain about it.

Sleeping is nature's way of telling us to slow down and take some time off. If we couldn't sleep, we would probably work ourselves into the ground, and life would generally suck. There is no better way to end a hectic day than by collapsing onto your bed and drifting away into dreamland.

Ah! Dreams! That's the other thing about sleep, isn't it? What can I say about dreams? Dreams are crazy. Mitch Hedberg (may he rest in peace) once said, "Dreaming is work, you know? There I am laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room... Next thing you know, I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord!" There are hundreds of theories about what creates dreams, and what they mean to us. To me, it's really fascinating that this still remains one of the few natural phenomena that we don't understand. Nevertheless, the content can be blissful (and then inevitably disappointing upon awakening), terrifying, enigmatic, or just plain weird.

Oh! Oh! And Napping! Napping is awesome, too! There's really no better way to stick it to nature than to say, "I'm gonna sleep whenever I want!" It's amazing what 1 hour can do in the middle of the day for your energy level, too.

There isn't a lot more to say about why sleeping is so cool, but I can say one unfortunate drawback exists: waking up. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike life or anything, but who can honestly say that abandoning their warm bed in favor of a weary-eyed stumble to the bathroom is something they look forward to? 'Nuff said.

I know, I know... All this talk about sleep is making you tired, right? Well, go to it! The 2,900-some hours I spend sleeping every year are some my favorite hours, and that's why it's my Thing of the Week!

Next week: Sleepwalking (That stuff's just hilarious!)